Sunday, January 25, 2009

Great Ward Conference!

I just have to blog the feelings I am having so I don't forget how I felt today. Today was ward conference and what little I got to hear of Bishop Cooper's talk in Sacrament because of unruly children, gave me a renewed sense of hope. When he said we can find peace even as we sin and than to go into the Atonement and what the Savior has done for us. A light bulb went off and I had one of those a ha moments. What the Savior really did for me personally and the spirit testified to me that when I sin and do not use the atonement and ask for forgiveness it is a big slap in Jesus' face.He died for me and took on all my sins and feelings of discouragement at not being a more patient mom and anger when Tim is down and can't function and I am left to be a single parent, when I fall short of what I know I should do and do just what the Bishop said and do it my way instead of his. All these thoughts were going through my head and I felt a great burden lifted off of me that I don't have to feel this way I can give it to the Lord he has already taken all of this on for me. I know I am a little slow most of you have already figured this out. Than in Releif Society the Stake did a lesson from Elder Wirthlin's talk and I bawled all the way through it. It was on overcoming our hardships and the blessing that come from them. I thought about what a blessing the loss of Jonah has been in my life and my families lives. I am just thankful for the Gospel in my life and for the "peace" it has brought me as I have struggled with the loss of Jonah and other obstacles I am facing now. At the time they are hard but how much Heavenly Father blesses me. In the lesson today she read the scripture D&C 121:7-8 and that started the flood gates, Section 121 is when Joseph Smith was feeling forsaken and asks God where art thou? I remember one of the last times in Salt Lake we extubated Jonah if not the last time. And how he went so long on his own like 30 something hours with out the machines breathing for him the longest he had ever gone, and I though this is it this is when he is going to show us all the miracle we have been praying for. And than all of a sudden his lung collapsed and he went lifeless and that horrible gray color and I thought ok this is it I am going to lose him right here and now. I felt our Father literally put his arms around me and I felt so calm and at peace. They brought Jonah back and he looked at me with his big brown eyes and pleaded with me, enough I am done heer and ready to go home Mom. I will never forget that day and how thin the veil was. I went back to the motor home sobbing that night and I called Tim in St George and told him enough it was time to turn Jonah back we have done all we can do for him. I knelt in prayer and prayed like I never have before. I pleaded with Heavenly Father to take him home and make him whole again. After I got up from my prayer these scriptures came to me D&C 121:7-8 "My daughter, peace be unto thy soul: thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high: thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." I knew at that moment Jonah was to perfect for this place and I asked for a blessing from my homeward Bishop in Sandy and in the blessing he told me Jonah had earned himself a place in the Celestial Kingdom. He would amaze us and live 2 more months. So to days lesson hit very close to home. And now 2 years later I look back and think man at the time we were going through that, I thought I will never survive this losing him, and it was but a small moment and how blessed we are to have him as part of our family and he truly is my hero, to accept his broken body to come fulfill his Fathers Plan he is a spiritual giant in my eyes and I can't wait to gather him in my arms again. I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with my 3 boys and I am grateful for the chance to be a mother even though I am so undeserving of it. I love my Savior and am thankful to him. I am thankful for my eternal companion and love him with all my heart. I'll close with a quote I have on my desk "When God takes something from your grasp, he's not punishng you but merely opening your hands to receive something better." Happy Sunday to you all.

5 comments:

MillerTime said...

Love that quote and scripture - you have me in tears. You always have been and always will be an example to me. Your amazingly strong, loving and kind!!

Kathy said...

You are amazing! Thanks for that post.

Kristi said...

All I can say Desiree is:
Thankyou for your inspiration!

snyderstories said...

Wow Des, thanks for this amazing post! You are an inspiration and example.

Paul and Michelle said...

Okay, so I could barely finish reading your post through the tears. Your spiritual strength has always amazed and inspired me. What comfort the spirit does bring and the knowledge we have of eternal families. You are such an amazing example to all!